It Was a Hook Up in Disguise
How could I have been so naive?
I was tired for one thing. I had just come off an exhausting interview. Well the interview wasn't exhausting. The prep time was. And I agreed to see him for our first date right after because he seemed really sweet and eager to meet me. I liked that.
Tall - check
Handsome - check
Age appropriate - check
Intelligent - check
Lived locally - check
Into me - check
It was all there. Even the gentlemanly ways. Carried my bags, walked me to my car. Took an interest in me. Didn't talk all about himself all the time.
We walked down to an outside shopping center couch. You know, the kind with beautiful all-weather cushions facing away from the parking lot. We talked about our last relationships, well he talked about his. I found it interesting and I learned some things about him in the processs.
He said he was married for nine years and she divorced him. Crushed him to tiny pieces. That was over ten years ago. Then he entered into a five-year relationship and told her up front that he never wanted to marry again. The idea of getting divorced yet again was too painful. She agreed. She lived 30 minutes away and had two very small children. He adored them both. Two years into the relationship, she changed her mind and pushed for marriage. They broke up. He missed the kids. She returned and said, "I'd rather be with you unmarried, than not be with you." So they got back together. At the four year mark, she brought up marriage again. This time he complied. "I want you to know that this will be forever, that there will be no divorce option for me," he said to her. To which she replied, "I can't promise you that." "Why?" he asked. "Because what if you molest my children or something?"
The relationship ended.
So at the end of his story, I said, "I'm so sorry you heard that from a woman. That's horrible!"
He agreed.
We chatted for a while. At one point he moved closer to me and pressed his knee up against mine. I moved away. He was a complete stranger to me and his subtle or not so subtle advance made me feel pressured. I also readjusted my back and repositioned myself towards the end of the seat, straightening my back. Sitting on my right hip for an hour became uncomfortable.
So after about 90 minutes of chatting, I started getting restless. Not because I didn't like him, I actually did. I felt a childlike nervousness come over me. And said playfully and not meaning it, "Well that's all I have to say, really." He took that as an invitation to end the date, "So you want to head out?" I hadn't planned it or hoped to, but since he asked, I just agreed.
He walked me back to my car and I was feeling happy to have met a guy like him. So I said, "You're my favorite." And then just as those words left my mouth, I regretted it. I heard him reply, "Lucky me." He said it sarcastically and I felt the awkwardness set in.
I drove away feeling confused.
No follow up text later that evening. So I knew he was turned off by something.
So here's the next day's text exchange:
ME: I can't believe I said what I said when we parted. If you knew me, you'd know just how absurd the notion was. So sorry. I'm not dater, which made if funny in my mind...but to someone who doesn't know that..oh, dear. :)
HIM: Hi, Dana! [a little tooMay I ask ho excited - misleading] No worries or hard feelings. Thank you for choosing to take the time to meet me. [way too polite] I assumed you weren't interested and wish you the best of luck on your search.
ME: May I ask how you arrived at that assumption? [hoping to get some feedback for the next guy]
HIM: When your foot touched my leg, you pulled away. When my hand touched your shoulder you pulled away and sat facing me further away. When we walked you stayed away vs. being close. When you said, "I guess there's nothing left to talk about" and stood up I thought it was pretty clear that the chemistry was not there.
ME: I was nervous. I know Shocked me, too. lol YOu have a lot of what I'm looking for and would love to see you again. I don't get physical with men upon meeting them. My back was hurting from sitting on a slant. Most women in this area, or so I've observed, practically throw themselves at men. I'm not that person. And I didn't want to give you the impression that I was even remotely like that. I'm well-mannered and respectful. And I loved those qualities in you.
No matter. Wish you didn't give up so easily. Or ask me how I feel. Anyway, blessings and good luck! :)
HIM: Oooooo. I didn't sense that at all. LOL!!! I thought were 100% serious. That's very sweet, Dana. I definitely got that and respect it. I didn't realize your back was hurting. Hope you are OK. I understand what you are saying. My gut feelings I that I'm significantly more affectionate and into physical touch that you would be comfortable with. I don't want to force a square shape through a triangle hole. It felt more like a friendship vibe to me. Thank you for following up and communicating more clearly. You're a great woman and I sincerely wish the best for you.
ME: First dates should be a friendship vibe, especially when meeting over the internet! And you don't know me so you're making an assumption that is wrong. But I don't want to be cornered into proving myself. That feels uncomfortable fo me. Either you have an interest in getting to know me as a person or you don't. The physical always shows up later. Sounds to me like you're looking for a hookup? I try and give people a chance. When you said you'd call me the next day and didn't, I felt like bailing, but I didn't. I gave it a chance. And I was pleasantly surprised! Not much more I can say in a text. Have a good night!
The End.
I was tired for one thing. I had just come off an exhausting interview. Well the interview wasn't exhausting. The prep time was. And I agreed to see him for our first date right after because he seemed really sweet and eager to meet me. I liked that.
Tall - check
Handsome - check
Age appropriate - check
Intelligent - check
Lived locally - check
Into me - check
It was all there. Even the gentlemanly ways. Carried my bags, walked me to my car. Took an interest in me. Didn't talk all about himself all the time.
We walked down to an outside shopping center couch. You know, the kind with beautiful all-weather cushions facing away from the parking lot. We talked about our last relationships, well he talked about his. I found it interesting and I learned some things about him in the processs.
He said he was married for nine years and she divorced him. Crushed him to tiny pieces. That was over ten years ago. Then he entered into a five-year relationship and told her up front that he never wanted to marry again. The idea of getting divorced yet again was too painful. She agreed. She lived 30 minutes away and had two very small children. He adored them both. Two years into the relationship, she changed her mind and pushed for marriage. They broke up. He missed the kids. She returned and said, "I'd rather be with you unmarried, than not be with you." So they got back together. At the four year mark, she brought up marriage again. This time he complied. "I want you to know that this will be forever, that there will be no divorce option for me," he said to her. To which she replied, "I can't promise you that." "Why?" he asked. "Because what if you molest my children or something?"
The relationship ended.
So at the end of his story, I said, "I'm so sorry you heard that from a woman. That's horrible!"
He agreed.
We chatted for a while. At one point he moved closer to me and pressed his knee up against mine. I moved away. He was a complete stranger to me and his subtle or not so subtle advance made me feel pressured. I also readjusted my back and repositioned myself towards the end of the seat, straightening my back. Sitting on my right hip for an hour became uncomfortable.
So after about 90 minutes of chatting, I started getting restless. Not because I didn't like him, I actually did. I felt a childlike nervousness come over me. And said playfully and not meaning it, "Well that's all I have to say, really." He took that as an invitation to end the date, "So you want to head out?" I hadn't planned it or hoped to, but since he asked, I just agreed.
He walked me back to my car and I was feeling happy to have met a guy like him. So I said, "You're my favorite." And then just as those words left my mouth, I regretted it. I heard him reply, "Lucky me." He said it sarcastically and I felt the awkwardness set in.
I drove away feeling confused.
No follow up text later that evening. So I knew he was turned off by something.
So here's the next day's text exchange:
ME: I can't believe I said what I said when we parted. If you knew me, you'd know just how absurd the notion was. So sorry. I'm not dater, which made if funny in my mind...but to someone who doesn't know that..oh, dear. :)
HIM: Hi, Dana! [a little tooMay I ask ho excited - misleading] No worries or hard feelings. Thank you for choosing to take the time to meet me. [way too polite] I assumed you weren't interested and wish you the best of luck on your search.
ME: May I ask how you arrived at that assumption? [hoping to get some feedback for the next guy]
HIM: When your foot touched my leg, you pulled away. When my hand touched your shoulder you pulled away and sat facing me further away. When we walked you stayed away vs. being close. When you said, "I guess there's nothing left to talk about" and stood up I thought it was pretty clear that the chemistry was not there.
ME: I was nervous. I know Shocked me, too. lol YOu have a lot of what I'm looking for and would love to see you again. I don't get physical with men upon meeting them. My back was hurting from sitting on a slant. Most women in this area, or so I've observed, practically throw themselves at men. I'm not that person. And I didn't want to give you the impression that I was even remotely like that. I'm well-mannered and respectful. And I loved those qualities in you.
No matter. Wish you didn't give up so easily. Or ask me how I feel. Anyway, blessings and good luck! :)
HIM: Oooooo. I didn't sense that at all. LOL!!! I thought were 100% serious. That's very sweet, Dana. I definitely got that and respect it. I didn't realize your back was hurting. Hope you are OK. I understand what you are saying. My gut feelings I that I'm significantly more affectionate and into physical touch that you would be comfortable with. I don't want to force a square shape through a triangle hole. It felt more like a friendship vibe to me. Thank you for following up and communicating more clearly. You're a great woman and I sincerely wish the best for you.
ME: First dates should be a friendship vibe, especially when meeting over the internet! And you don't know me so you're making an assumption that is wrong. But I don't want to be cornered into proving myself. That feels uncomfortable fo me. Either you have an interest in getting to know me as a person or you don't. The physical always shows up later. Sounds to me like you're looking for a hookup? I try and give people a chance. When you said you'd call me the next day and didn't, I felt like bailing, but I didn't. I gave it a chance. And I was pleasantly surprised! Not much more I can say in a text. Have a good night!
The End.
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