I LIKE HIM, BUT...

DO: Appreciate His ideas. 

DON'T: Correct them.

DO: Accept His suggestions. 

DON'T: Change them.

DO: Acknowledge His opinions.

DON'T: Criticize them.

DO: Accept His philosophy. 

DON'T: Argue it.

*Inspired by Dr. Pat Allen, PhD.

Ladies, you will likely have zero issues if you can do all of the above all of the time.  

 UNLIKELY!

Why?  Because we don't live under a rock. We're flooded with emotion all of the time. Not some of the time, all of the time.  And emotions are unpredictable, non-negotiable and downright irritating at times. 

That is why we must forgive ourselves each day and always try to do better the next.  School's in session.  But it doesn't mean you take abuse or put-downs.  Some men (and women) suffered so much childhood trauma that they have either successfully insolated themselves from any real interaction with people, do all they can to not heal. Some miraculously get leadership positions and the higher up, the less they have accountability on a day-to-day basis by friends and strangers.  They surround themselves with sycophants and no one has the courage to confront them lest they may be out of a job.  Some delve into emotional work, but I guarantee you, many don't actually heel.  They stay resentful and injured and boy, look out then.  Prepare to duck and cover. 

Or, some take the opposite highway and speed right into suicide. 

Either case,  we mustn't let others treat us poorly. And we mustn't treat other's poorly.  We don't have to agree with anyone's philosophy, opinions, but it would behoove us to accept them even for the sole reason for avoiding an argument.  The first time we let something slide is when we set a precedent. And then it becomes very hard to seek benign waters when differences arise. 

I compiled a short list of ways to modify behaviors in someone who you think is worth having in your life but has just a few sharp edges.  There are many ways to modify behaviors - those can be Googled.  Here are five ways that I've personally tried that work.  Try them out next time your date or anyone close to you in emotion or proximity does or says something offensive: 

1.  Removal:   Politely acknowledge that they have every right to want to say or do what they want, but you feel uncomfortable with it and you'll either hang up, leave permanently or come back in an hour.

(Practice this phrasing in the mirror so your brain will easily form the words when you need it.) 

2. Mirroring:   If they say or write, for example, "Dumb girl."  Say or write back, "Dumb boy."  (Yes, that actually happened to me.)  If they fail to follow through on a commitment or create expecations leaving you wondering, waiting or resenting, then do the exact same back. 

When/if they complain, just say, "You had done that to me recently, so I thought you were OK with it."  But I assure you, they won't even bring it up. They know what they did.   

Mother's of newborns do this when their baby bites them. It's a primitive response on the baby's part to communicate their wants and if the mom bites them back, it disturbs the baby so much that that behavior is quickly replaced with another form of communication. 

3.  Ignore.  By not giving the undesired behavior attention it just may dissipate.  For example, if they make jokes that are offensive, don't laugh.  

4. Reinforce:  If they crack a joke that isn't offensive and kinda funny, laugh your ass off and tell them how funny they are. 

5.  Compliment:  Every day point out their assets.  When they feel good, they do good.  When a source of feeling good is coming from you, they will want to please you and all the subconscious crap will be redirected onto some other victim. 

GOOD LUCK and REPORT BACK.